My body has been tattooed, marked with black and red dye. It looks like a side of beef – rump roast here – breast there. I’ve had my blood drawn – viciously by a Pakistani nurse – even now my arm is dripping blood. I’ve been photographed, pumped full of drugs, eaten the last proverbial meal – only clear liquids until 6 a.m. And I guess I’m ready to go. (Of course, I’m really hoping that I don’t really go – if you get my drift)
Round 2 begins promptly at 8:00 a.m. tomorrow. Much longer surgery tomorrow, I don’t even get out to recovery until sometime around 4 p.m. Rainer gets to pace the waiting room – armed with his Zune, Blackberry and computer. Kids are accounted for. Dogs will be peeing and pooping on the floor of my house. I lose a couple of pounds of yucky flesh; they move some of my back to my front…..and ta-da…..smaller breast on one side, new breast on the other side. And I’m a bright and shiny new.
But I guess the question is…..am I ready to go, am I ready to be bright and shiny new. I still morn for my old breast. You know I was firmly attached to it. But cut, cut, cut and it was gone. I’ve been walking around lopsided for nearly two years. I think it’s time to balance out.
Am I scared? You bet your last dollar I’m scared. I still have all these yucky cancer cells swimming around in my body. I wonder will the chemo continue to keep it at bay or will it now infect my new shiny appendage. When they open me up, will it be like “Invasion of the Body Snatchers” and I’ll have tons of cancer pods growing in me ready to pop out. (Yes, I know I’ve been watching too many horror movies). I was looking around my yard today. It was bright. The sun and haze were fighting amongst each other to see who would win. I think the haze won as it was a bright warm gray spring day. I admired the pretty little baby buds covering the trees. I wonder will I open my eyes tomorrow night……will I see the leaves blossom to green, sparkle to orange and red, and fade away….all yet to be reborn next season.
Que sera, sera……oh lord – Don’t start spouting Doris Day songs. I tell myself…..I’ll be fine, it’s okay. Hopefully, I’ll still be the champ after Round 2.
p.s. Unfortunately, I get the pleasure of a several day stay at Chez Hospital. I invite all my friends to either post their thoughts here on my blog or better yet…..send me your best jokes. You know a smile is good ju ju, but laughter is great medicine.
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8 comments:
Well, that doesn't sound like much fun at all. Hate the idea of your staying in a hospital. It's all for the best. Wish I had a joke for you but not my forte. I think that needs an accent over the e?
I'll call you.
D
Joan, I've been over here on Maui thinking of you all day -- sending you long-distance good-health wishes. Sorry not to be closer to help with Hannah & Emma, but we'll be home late Friday night (16th).
Okay, jokes... Why can I only think of jokes from Mrs. Colby's kindergarten joke book?!! How about funny stories... I think the MOST exciting thing that's happened for the girls over here was not swimming with giant sea turtles, not surfing with dad, not getting giant ice cream cones. It was discovering a lily pond absolutely FULL of grey, warty toads. The kind that start making a knocking sound when they're freaking out, and just before they pee on you. We've had leaping shrieks of excitement over big bloated-necked ones, and tears when the toads were in hiding. Journal entries and night walks to find them. Kisses on their rubbery faces (and no princes, thank God).
Oh the joys of nature!
Your girls are doing just fine. Reiner said you made it through the surgery like the champ you are. It was a joy to tuck your little ones in and kiss them goodnight. This morning was a bit chaotic. I promised waffles last night -- why did I do that? Getting 5 girls to the bus stop on time was a fire drill, but all were happy and laughing like the little girls they are.
Looking forward to you coming home. Many prayers are being said for your recovery.
Love to you,
Kathy
Hi Joan, Sending happy thoughts your way so you'll feel better soon, and join us for more knitting circle time. Can't wait to see your knew girls!
WIFE VS. HUSBAND
A couple drove down a country road for several miles, not saying a word. An earlier discussion had led to an argument and neither of them wanted to concede their position. As they passed a barnyard of mules, goats, and pigs, the husband asked sarcastically, 'Relatives of yours?' 'Yep,' the wife replied, 'in-laws.'
Hi Joan, Hope your feeling better today. Just thought I'd send something else to make you laugh. I thought this was cute.
Julia
The children were lined up in the cafeteria of a catholic elementary school for lunch. At the head of the table was a large pile of apples. The nun made a note, and posted on the apple tray: 'Take only ONE. God is watching.' Moving further along the lunch line, at the other end of the table was a large pile of chocolate chip cookies. A child had written a note, 'Take all you want. God is watching the apples.'
Sending you my love,...wishing you peace.
Can hardly wait to see the new you. I'm sure you look fabulous! Happy to hear everything went well.
Will send you jokes via email.
Take care! Jody
Sorry about your stay but your way of going about it is so full of life and funny :) Laughing is the best med. Keep ya in my prayers!
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