The other day

I started writing this in the fall.  I finished it today.  Please let me know what you think of it.

It’s fall. The days are beginning to turn gray. The gray facade on the Island comes in with the tide. It sneaks out at the water’s edge, circumventing the sleepy sailboats tucked away for winter. It climbs out of the water, slowly spreading its blush to fading fallen rose bushes only to tag the evergreen trees with its color. The gray stretches up its fingers, running up the bare branches of alders and maples, twisting upwards to touch the sky. The rain comes down; sometimes a foggy mist, at other times straight lines connecting the ground to the sky. Right now, I love the rain. However ask me in a few months how I feel about the rain. My feelings change, just as seasons change. Now though, I sit in my rocking chair and stare out at the soothing gray and think.


I think about this summer and how every once in a while I got to be Joan’s Taxi Service. You know what’s that’s like – Dad’s, Mom’s, Grandmother’s, or the backyard possum who carries her babies around on her back, we all get the joys of schlepping our monsters around. Our children sit in the back seat of our cars – aka their taxi, laughing loudly with friends, fighting to see who gets the window, toting cellos, bouncing soccer balls against the seat or passing (or not passing) electronic beeping games back and forth.

My girls had had a sleep over, two sides established – the 8 year olds, who think they’re 17, listen to confounded loud rock music (I’m sure that the rock music in my day at least carried a tune and had poignant lyrics – you remember, Bruce Springsteen, Tom Petty, Elvis Costello, Neil Young, DIVO). The 8 yr old, pubescent girls bouncing around from one game to the other, their mouths clucking faster than the Taylor Swift songs they were listening to. The second side, the younger girls, 6 year olds, who like being the babies, were into the make believe games that go on forever. Each girl had at least six snugglies (aka webkinz, small stuffed animals that are tied to an online computer game – now whoever came up with that idea must have made a fortune).

Joan’s Taxi Service had snuck the older kids out of the house while the younger children were upstairs in their imaginary castle lair with Dad. The 6 yr olds had a DVD on the TV, only to ignore it as they play a wild medieval game involving every stuffed animal owned. The bits of the game I think about, involved a shiny knight who was there to defend the lions from the swimming penguins. Oh, the innocent minds of 6 year olds. The older kids had hopped into the Joan’s Taxi Service and made a clean get away. We were on our way to T & C, the local market, to get milk for the later midnight reading of Harry Potter by their Dad. But Joan’s Taxi Service had decided to make a side trip down a darken alley to Mora’s. (For those who don’t know about Mora’s – you don’t know what you are missing – Mora’s – bright Neon in a back alley, just off the main artery of Winslow. In Summer, it’s “the” place to go for a creamy taste of heaven – Mora’s the must taste place for ice cream).

Hannah tells her best friend, Olivia, about her recent summer adventure as the two taste test the fabulous ice cream. Armed with double decked, mint dark chocolate, waffle ice cream cones, Hannah goes on to tell her friend about the “Relay for Life” she just participated in. She talks about how magical it was and how she got to walk backwards and forwards on the High School track. She talks about twinkling lights and boast about how many laps she walked for her mom.

I, my children, my husband, my mom, and some of my incredible friends had joined together in a ….dare I say…..creating a memory. We had walked in the American Cancer Society’s “Relay for Life”. Cancer kills; it destroys the breasts, colons, lungs, livers, etc. and sometimes can even destroy souls. I have cancer; according to my doctors my life expectancy is short. So I live. I will do anything to live. I will have chemo until it stops my heart, I will pop pills for the pain in my bones, I will walk with a cane, I will live….for as long as I can. And my soul will create memories for my children, my husband, and my friends as I continue to live. Memories such as waking my children up at the crack of dawn and rush them off to school, drag Hannah to piano lessons, cajole Emma to practice her cello, fly across the Sound on hot days with friends in a fast boats, sneak ice cream late on warm summer nights, holding hands with friends as we walk around the high school track in celebration that one more year of life has passed for me.

Our memories of the “Relay for Life” are dear to my heart and hopefully to those that participated. I remember the Waite Boys running backwards around the track. I remember my mom flying in from California where my dad was undergoing cancer treatment himself just to hold my hand as walked in circles with friends. I remember two he-men who started running on my behalf at midnight and ran until 6 a.m. in the morning, legs feeling like melted rubber as they finally came to a stop. I remember glittering lights magically spelling out the words “hope”. I remember dimly lit candles lighting the way for many as they laughed and danced with friends. It was a celebration, a celebration of continued birthdays, a celebration of living. I know that my children, husband, friends will carry the magic with them for many years.

Olivia and Hannah had slurped down their ice cream cones. We were off in Joan’s Taxi, the milk run continued. I could see Hannah in the rear view mirror. She was still going on about the “Relay for Life” as kids do when they tell their tales. She caught my eye in the mirror and looking straight into my eyes said to Olivia, it really was a night to remember.

The gray of fall has now given way to winter, spring and now summer. I sit in my chair staring out at the green grass; I see tall weeds with bright flowers peaking through. It’s hot and the sweat is rolling down my back. Seasons have changed and I keep on living for now. Tomorrow is yet another chemo treatment and I cringe with fear. More needles, more poison. But I live. I say dying is easy; it’s living that is hard. The “Relay for Life” is a week and a half away. I am going to walk again, and hopefully celebrate another year with friends. I invite my friends to walk with me. I will be walking at 10 p.m. (that’s when my cancer hurts the most) at the Bainbridge High School track. To sign up or just find more about it, please follow this link, look for “TeamJoan” and . I hope to see you there under the twinkling lights.

http://main.acsevents.org/site/TR?pg=entry&fr_id=25059

or

http://main.acsevents.org/site/TR?fr_id=25059&pg=teamlist