Yesterday was chemo day and I was so looking forward to it. Don't laugh, but my first experience with chemo treatment was wonderful and I almost, but not quite, would recommend it to my friends, not.....the main problem with chemo is that afterwards it sucks. My first chemo was very pleasant, quiet, warm, relaxing. There were hush tones and warm wet towels and hot blankies remeniscent of sauna baths. Nothing really hurt - except for maybe that final shot in the stomach....ouch. But the chemo treatment was good, I got to stretch out on a comfy chair, got some good drugs before the chemo push, was able to take a little nap which is contrary to my very stressfull and hectic life. And when I opened my eyes and it was all over the man I love most was there holding me hand. It wasn't bad at all.
This time my chemo treatment was different. Even the waiting room was different. Last time, there were maybe three of us waiting for treatment. This time well over 15, maybe even 20 people were in the waiting room, space was at a premium. It was crowded. There were us old timers, dressed in our warm hats or stylish wigs - since we know what it's all about - us old timers that are nervous but know what is going to happen. We sit at tables putting puzzles together as we wile away the time waiting for our turns, or read books as we curl up on the sofas rather than not so pleasant chairs. However, there were alot of newbies there this time, taking up much space with their entourages. There was the confident young mother, with her two year old in tow, along with her mom and mother-in-law. In between talking to work on her cell phone, passifying her two year old and dealing with dueling grandmoms, she was trying to look supremely confidently with your cool neon green and black horizontal glasses and very mod lime form fitting green capris. (I just can't get help get jealous of beautiful people......I will always be Just Joan, not that is bad....it just is...I am working on this jealousy) And I thought to myself......she's the one who's going to break. Another newbie consisted of a very loving married couple. They had to be in there late fifties, holding hands, her head on his shoulder. You could tell that the fit together like spoons. And as I could overhear their conversations, you could tell that they had been together for a very long time as they finished each others sentences. And even though I could tell that they were scared, I knew in my heart of hearts, that they would get through this. The final newbie I remember was an elderly chinese woman flanked by her two grown daughters. The woman couldn't speak english and I could tell she was so confused by everything that was happening. Her daughters, american from head to toe, were trying to help her. Offering her hugs and explaining what was going on and why they were here. Languages were flying, english and chinese. And although I couldn't understand chinese, I could understand the woman's body language....why, why, why. And why can't I just go home. We don't do this from where I come. And her two daughters telling her that they loved her and didn't want her to go.....to please do this for them. And still more why's. Fortunately, she was surrounded by love and I hoped that her daughters would help her through this.
Soon it was my turn and I knew immediately this was going to be not so pleasant.....and feared it was going to be down right terrible. Fortunately, I had the same nurse - best one on the earth - again for my journey this time. This time I hadn't gotten a nice cozy corner in the back, due to the full house, I was stuck out in the hall way. On one side, was a gentlemen with an entourage of over 10 people complete with 1 yr, 3 yr, and 5 yrs olds running up and down the hall playing NASCAR races, sharing chemo is such an adventure. The other side consisted of at least a 5 member gossip club staight out of a PTA meeting. Plus I was near the nurses station, with their telephones going off every other minute and patients beepers going on every half minute.
I immediately gave Jennifer, the world's best nurse, a warning that I was going to probably be very emotional. Giving her back ground on me that I was exhauted from doing 40 hrs of work in the last three days and had been looking forward to peace and quiet. Jennifer immediately took action. She re-routed the nurse call station and got the beepers turned down. She pulled out some curtains to at least close me in a little bit so I wasn't sitting out in the hall like everyone else and started rotating a stream of the warm blankies and hot towels. Nurse are truly heros.
Jennifer started the treatment - pricking my arm for the I.V. I find it amazing that the IV doesn't even hurt to go in. They give you lidocaine, the stuff that dentist use to numb your teeth, to numb your arm before they put the I.V. in. I wish they had done that when I had had my three C-Sections, to this day I remember horrible pain from the nurse slicing my arm as she tried to jab that I.V. into my arm. Next, in went the saline, then some anti-nauseous medicine followed by the happy drug Ativan. I only get a very small dose, but it takes away the anxiety, makes you down right happy and wonderfully sleepy. Then comes the first chemo drug. First one I call red juice, it's three large huge viles of red poison that they have to manually push into your blood stream. The worse part about this is that for the next four days you pee bright red. A little disconcerting, but eventually it goes away however only after you drink 8 to 12 oz. of water for those four days. Yuck, not pleasant. Than back to another chemo drug....this poison sort of burns when it drips in, so they turn up the saline pouch to counter act the burning sensation. I had started to drift off during this part, the hallway had become less of a race way and I was so sleepy and tired. When lo and behold, my heart's desired had come to hold my hand. It was good.
Yes, I still got the stomach shot.....ouch and it was still very painful. But chemo treatment #2 was done and now I have only more 4 more to go before the next phase. It just such a long journey, chemo, masectomy, more chemo, radiation, breast reconstruction. My journey seems to long. I hope that I will last and more importantly that my friends will be there too.....especially when I open my eyes and see them holding my hand.
2 comments:
Hi Joan. Yes, the treatment itself is not bad at all, it is the next few days when your body screams at you non-stop. I didn't get the single belly shot, they opted to give me the seven shots over seven days, which I had to do myself, so I could choose to do arm or belly. I don't know which is worse doing it yourself for seven days, or just getting one and being done with it!
At least they can alternate arms for the IV for you, I had my surgery first and because they took out lymph nodes, they had to do all of the chemo in one arm every time. I was so bruised by the end, the nurses hated to have to stick me, partly because the veins would just collapse.
It is funny how you can feel like an old hand after just one or two treatments isn't it? You watch the new people come in and those that started before you finish. I felt sorry for myself "I was too young" as I was told over and over, until I saw a girl in her 20's going through the same thing. Not to mention the children with other types of cancer, that really put it into a different perspective for me.
The nurses really do deserve much more appreciation than they probably get. They make it so much easier to go through this. I am glad you have good nurses there too.
(sorry that was really long.)
Wow Joan - that was very descriptive. It sounds like you're a veteran at this now, hopefully the ones you write about will look back on this as well in a few visits and see the apprehension they once felt in others.
Waiting in hospitals is a book all on its own. The visitor and the visited often are equally stressed and silently screaming inside - why am I here?!
I find it odd that we have to make people sick to make them better. Its like some ancient blood letting ritual that in the end cured the person but you never quite know what would have happened if they left the drill on the table.
Keep writing - we're all reading and waiting for the next installment.
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