Zap

Hannah is asleep on the floor at the foot of my bed. She's sucking her thumb and is curled up with her blanket. She has had a long, hard day and is really tired. Emma is driving her dad crazy, she found a tomato in the refrigerator and wants to eat it for dinner. That's all she wants for dinner, a tomato.....and she wants to eat the tomato whole like an apple. She's weird, She's Emma. Dylan is being a teenager tonight, talking on the telephone all night to friends about who knows what. Why is it that teenagers insist on hogging the telephone all night. And Rainer is doing what he does best, juggling. He's juggling three children, three different dinners, a dog who jumped up on the cupboard and downed a loaf of bread and of course me. Just another night at our house.

I'm upstairs in bed, sort of watching T.V., sort of thinking about this afternoon and just sort of dealing with life in general. I had my first radiation treatment today. My radiation treatments were delayed for a couple of days because.....they needed a bigger machine with lots of power. I don't know if it's scary or funny, maybe it's a little of bit of both. The technicians drew lines all over my chest as I lay on a table. I could see green grid lines of the lasers on my body as they positioned a large machine above my chest. I just laid on the table as the technicians closed the vault door and turned the machine on. Seconds clicked by. Zap, cancer dies and pain goes away. Is that all that it takes? I hope so.