A glass of wine.....

Tonight I broke down and had a glass of wine. It's Saturday and it's supposed to be my day of rest. However, it has felt nothing like a day of rest. I had planned on laying in bed all day, sleeping occasionally and pretty much do nothing. Oh, the best laid plans of mice and men. Besides, I've learned lying in bed alone, staring at the ceiling isn't all quite it's cracked up to be.

Work yesterday was brutal. It's end of month wrap up, we've got a trillion things going on and my boss is pounding me for information. It's not necessarily a bad thing, but it's hard work....and normally doesn't bother me. Normally, it's what I thrive on. But these days aren't normal. I came home exhausted and in pain. I slept..... a little and then my Saturday started.

My biggest problem is that I stress myself out. I wanted to do something simple, you know.....pick up around the house. Maybe knit some on the hat for my soon-to-be bald head. Work on some month end reports for my boss. Simple things. But I'm learning simple things are lately the hardest things.

We've got people coming over tomorrow to watch the Super Bowl......America's highest form of entertainment. Don't get me wrong, I'm really, really looking forward to laughter, quarterbacks getting slammed on their buts, and of course all the food snacks - potatoe chips and onion dip, buffalo wings and ranch dip, veggies and dip.....you know, mainly the dip. Yummmm. But trying to pick up the house is like a form of Chinese Water torture these days. I grew frustrated that I just couldn't do it.

I tried laying down and sleeping, hoping to dream away some of the pain and stress. But I couldn't shut my mind down. I kept thinking about work I should be doing. Wishing that I could watch T.V. (No, we are weird - we don't have a T.V. in the bedroom). I tried calming myself by watching the wind blow the trees outside, but even that was boring.

Finally, I came downstairs, popped a few pain pills and tried to knit. Knitting has been to me the greatest form of stress relief in the world. It's calming, it's beautiful, it's warm. It's great to be able to take two needles and jab at yarn, instead of taking jabs at say a co-worker who has been bugging you, or a husband who spends more time playing sudoku games on their computer rather than talking to you, or your son who goes out with friends and forgets to call home. However, the ice pick in my chest just didn't allow for me to sit still and work on my knitting.

I was stressed, my throat hurt, my chest was in pain and even my head hurt. And that's when I said the magic words, "Rainer, I'd like a glass of wine". He didn't say no. I know that he had been watching me all day and had seen my agitation, frustration, pain. Oh yes, I know that he knows that I am hurting. He handed me the wine and I slowly sipped it, letting it's magic work. And magic it was. I relaxed. Things became just a little easier. I was able to knit for a short time, even pounded out another budget for my boss and just plain relaxed. I didn't drink very much just two glasses of wine....but it helped.

It's now after 9:00 pm. The pain is back in full force and I've popped yet some more pills. My son still hasn't called, but I know he's a good kid and if something was truely wrong he would call. Tomorrow, I'm going to lie in bed in the morning and use some good ole guilt on the family to get the house clean.......and who knows, maybe I'll have another glass of wine during the game.