Ain't dead yet, she says in her best Monty Python british accent. Come on, you remember from "Monty Python and the Holy Grail", the injureds knight hoping around on one leg after having both arms and a leg cut off......Come, on, Come on, I'll fight you......I ain't dead yet. I may feel like it, but I'm not.
Week one down, 17 more weeks of chemo to go. I saw my doctor yesterday. I was armed with my notebook in hand, top three concerns boldly written across the page. In order of priority, Pain, Sleep, and the unmentionable, evil nemesis, Constipation. I was extremely agitated by the time I got to my appointment and my mouth was rambling about 120 mph. I had had an earlier finance meeting with a bank that had gone an hour over in time - it was a good meeting, but I hadn't taken my pain meds in the appropriate time and was racked with huge pain. After giving my weekly dose of blood and talking with the cancer psyche counselor and downing a pain pill, I finally felt like I started to settle down.
I met with my doctor and he told me he's a little concern. My plautlet level is down to 2000. He thought if would be around 3000 - I guess normal is 4000. He was also upset that I lost 10 lbs. (when it's now actually 12 lbs - more on that one later). He also could see that I was into sleep deprivation. So I've been told to try to rest more, eat more, and sleep more. I'm going to take Ambien at night - which some people are aghast, but when you lay in bed all night staring at the ceiling praying for the morning.....I'll take the Ambien. I'm supposed to eat many small bland meals - which is hard because nothing tastes good. Currently my new favorite food is Carna Asada Tacos - not for the yummy tomatoes, or steak....but for the lettuce and cilantro hot sauce. And finally he's having me take some over the counter products to battle the constipation.
Constipation is one of the terrible, dirty little secret side effect of cancer that they don't tell you you about. It's from all the meds you take, chemo, pain pills. You become a pill zombie and pop anywhere from 8 to 30 pills a day. Your poor insides just don't know what to do about all of this stuff.....and no matter how much prune juice and roughage you eat, the stuff just piles up inside your plumbing system. I am now taking Collace - 2 pills twice a day and Sennekot, 2 pills twice a day.....like I said, pill popping machine. But I'll tell you what......that Sennekot works. I took it around 3:30 pm yesterday......and around 5:00.....I was having my own little episode of South Park. I was definately putting Cartman to shame.......the stuff just flowed right out. (That's how I lost another 2 lbs) Poor Rainer, he now has to deal with the toilet......and Dylan's comment, Moooommmmm........
I'm okay......still in tons of pain. I know that I'm working way too much and need to stop that. I'm trying to learn.....and it's really hard for a type "A" personality.....to not work 12 hours a day. I need to learn to pace myself. I need to learn to sleep - which is really hard because sometimes the little voice says inside scares me and says "be careful, you may just not wake up".
I'm working on it.......it's just hard to loose control......
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3 comments:
Joan, I am a stranger to you, but I'm a cancer survivor. I had uterine cancer and it went undiagnosed for many years and it nearly killed me. I got help just in time. Only just.
Please know, you are NOT alone. There are women all over who have been through and are going through just what you are.
My heart is with you, Joan. I may be a stranger, but I care about you and I will be praying for you and checking your blog.
So even though it may seem odd, know that a nutty lady in North Carolina is interested and thinking of you from now on.
<3
I, too, am a stranger to you, and have not personally been through what you are going through. But my sister went through it last year, and, although we live 5 hours apart, I tried to be there for her during her chemo treatments. So although I haven't experienced it, I have been on the sidelines, and know that it is a difficult time.
Hang in there, Joan, and know that there are total strangers out here, rooting for you, and sending good thoughts your way.
Hi Joan, I am yet another total stranger, the Bag Lady's sister. I went through what you are going through. Mine was stage 2, but had not infiltrated my lymph nodes or bones.
I understand all about the pain and nausea and all the side effects you are going through. It sounds like you have a great support network already and family around to help out. Let them help, ask if you need to and see how much of your job you can shift off to others for the time being. You need to concentrate on you so you can be there to watch your girls get married.
Sending good thoughts from the frozen North, you will get through this and be stronger for it.
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