Monday, January 28, 2008

Okay Today was Hard

Today was hard for so many reasons. Back to work to after the first chemo treatment, trapped in a house with three kids due to a snow, feeling so tired, and just really wanting to know that I just want to finish one project, no matter what.

I feel like a sledgehammer has hit me. I have never been so tired, all I really want to do is just lay down and go to sleep. But, you know you can't. I've got work to do, a life to live....and I've got to move forward, if nothing else to prove to myself that I can. But it's late and the pain and tears are near and though I did lot I feel like I just didn't accomplish enough although I guess I tried......it's just hard to realize I couldn't finish.

Some things I've learned.....working at home with three kids....not. If it snows, they go.....or else I do. Learn to drink and love prune juice and though bananas now taste like yummy sweet potatoes....stay away from them. Some things I need to learn, pace myself, I can't do this all by myself, take your meds even when you don't want to. Drink lots and lots of water....and don't be afraid to ask for help.

I hope this gets easier.....or do you think it's going to get harder.

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

Hope today was better, but yes people undergoing chemo are usually very tired. Spend your energy wisely. You can't expect work any where near the hours you did before.

Did you listen to the online diary? I think she has some similar experiences.

"Through the mansions of fear, through the mansions of pain,
I see my daddy walking through them factory gates in the rain,
Factory takes his hearing, factory gives him life,
The working, the working, just the working life."