It's been nearly a week since my last hard chemo. I am trying so hard to get well. Don't get me wrong, I've been sick this round of chemo - but I am trying to eat and I haven't been throwing up so that is a plus.
I'm anxious and have been having hot flashes galore. Early menopause has certainly set into my body. One minute I've got the chills, the next minute I'm sweating buckets of water. But I keep going. It seems to be the only thing I can do. Keep going.
I am tired of being sick and look forward to being well soon. Sort of like waiting for the summer to come, I keep waiting for the illness to go away. But summer should be here soon and the illness I have from the chemo should go away too. I just wonder when that will be.......I never was one to wait. So I'll just keep working hard to get well for my family, my children, my mother - who tirelessly takes care of me and for myself.
Tuesday, May 13, 2008
Wednesday, May 7, 2008
Last Hard Time
Tomorrow is my last hard chemo. I don't want to go, it's been so much harder than I ever thought it would be. But I'll go. Lately, I've been very emotional. I find myself crying all the time. It's like the chemo is winning and I've been dying little by little. But I fight it, just as I try to fight the cancer. I want to win this battle so much.
I've been very sick. I've lost a lot of weight. They tell me it's good that I'm heavy, that I'm lucky to have the weight during this battle. But it's been hard, I can bearly eat anymore. Nothing, not even tacos taste good. Many times I don't even want to put the fork with the food in my mouth. It is so hard to get the food to go down. Any more times than naught the food hasn't stayed down. But I fight, I fight to eat and I fight to win.
And I win little by little. This week I went into the office to work, rather than working from my bed. Yes, I have kept working during my illness. I think I would have gone crazy had a not been able to work during my illness. When I saw my boss, I broke down and just cryed and cryed. I missed him so much I was overwhelmed to know that he still needed me and wanted me back in the office. I was only going to stay an hour, but as usual stayed longer and worked more than I should. I like to work and worked a lot this week. I didn't finish everything but it was nice to know that I could work as hard and as long as I did.
And tomorrow I go again into battle. It will be my last hard chemo, my last round of "AC". How I dread it. To know that for the next two weeks the poison will take control and I'll have to battle yet again. I hate this cancer, I want to win so bad. So I'll go.....and pray that I continue to win.
I've been very sick. I've lost a lot of weight. They tell me it's good that I'm heavy, that I'm lucky to have the weight during this battle. But it's been hard, I can bearly eat anymore. Nothing, not even tacos taste good. Many times I don't even want to put the fork with the food in my mouth. It is so hard to get the food to go down. Any more times than naught the food hasn't stayed down. But I fight, I fight to eat and I fight to win.
And I win little by little. This week I went into the office to work, rather than working from my bed. Yes, I have kept working during my illness. I think I would have gone crazy had a not been able to work during my illness. When I saw my boss, I broke down and just cryed and cryed. I missed him so much I was overwhelmed to know that he still needed me and wanted me back in the office. I was only going to stay an hour, but as usual stayed longer and worked more than I should. I like to work and worked a lot this week. I didn't finish everything but it was nice to know that I could work as hard and as long as I did.
And tomorrow I go again into battle. It will be my last hard chemo, my last round of "AC". How I dread it. To know that for the next two weeks the poison will take control and I'll have to battle yet again. I hate this cancer, I want to win so bad. So I'll go.....and pray that I continue to win.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)