Guest Post: an Update on Joan

This post introduces guest updates to Just Joan. Joan hasn't been feeling well, and asked to have a friend update. Anne Decker shares this from her day doing the shuttle to Swedish this week. ~Behan

When I was at Swedish on Wednesday with Joan, I picked up a Patient Education Update flyer as we waited in the reception area. Did you know that Swedish now has a Cancer Podcast Program for patients and their families? Well at the time I was reading it, all I could think of was how unimportant this seemed at a moment when Joan was feeling so badly. All I could think of was, "what Joan really needs at this moment is someone or something to stop the excruciating pain and the unrelenting nausea, this instant - forget about the podcast! Please don't get me wrong - I am so thankful for the advances made through cancer research and the accessibility of cancer education. But all I wanted at the time was for Joan to find some relief - NOW.

Joan asked me to post a blog entry this week, as it has been awhile since she has felt up to it. On Wednesday, the nausea and pain were so bad that Joan was unable to keep anything down - not even the anti-nausea medication. We still ventured in to Seattle for her 12:30pm radiation treatment, but she was too sick to proceed with the treatment. Instead, she tried to rest in the hospital in bed while receiving fluids, anti-nausea and pain meds through IV. Rainer left work and came to the hospital in the afternoon. All Joan had to say was, "I need you here", and he was there. He was there for her, and then later he was back on the island, just in time to be there for the kids at the end of the day - and Emma's 5th birthday! In the calmer moments between the pain and nausea, Joan still managed amongst all of this to dispense sage advice to me, which I hold dearly.

Joan is pretty sure the aggressive combination of both chemo and radiation together in such close proximity are what is making her so sick this week. I am hoping and praying that Thursday was at least a little bit better than Wednesday, and that she felt a little stronger today than the other day. Of course what we feel and what we are don't always seem to line up. Joan still insists she's not strong and that she's just Joan, but I say she's one of the strongest and bravest people I know. We barely made the 5:30pm ferry back to the island - after putting a little bit of pressure on the ferry worker in the ticket booth. The 5:30pm ferry "now closed to boarding" at 5:20, even for priority loaders - - - give me a break! So, we made it, thank god. Joan is thoroughly exhausted and is very happy to be home, only being released from the hospital if she promises to come back at 10am the next day. Joan's not sure if she can do that. I think she can. Joan, I have been thinking good thoughts for you all day.

Anne

Really Bad Lately

I haven’t written much lately. It’s been really bad ……but not because of the radiation, not because of chemo but because of something really stupid….the stomach flu.

I am achy, tired, and have been throwing up for the last three days. A simple thing like the flu and I feel worse than if a mac truck had hit me. My doctor tells me it’s been going around the island. Try to drink lots of fluids. Try….yeah, right.

I remember when I was a little girl, my mom used to give me grape juice mixed with 7-up when I had the stomach flu. I only liked it when I had the flu. I guess her mom had given it to her when she had been a child. I had a frou-frou room that only a mother could love, with canopy bed and pink roses. I remember when I was sick she used to hold my hand and wipe my face and brow with a cool washcloth every time after I threw up. Sometimes I wish I was that little girl, sipping grape juice and 7-up and my mom was holding my hand. It’s just been bad lately.

I can’t think of anything else to write tonight, I’m tired and just want to crawl into bed and dream of being of little girl whose mom used to hold her hand.